This post is going to be very introspective post. There, you were warned.
As no doubt some of you have noticed while reading my blog, I loved living in Abu Dhabi. It was by far one of the best years in my life, not only for the experience of living in the country but also for the friends I made there and the opportunities to travel.
Abu Dhabi also gave me a story. A story my friends know quite well. A story which at this point I don’t feel the need to share on the blog just yet. My return to Abu Dhabi from Guatemala, put a strange twist in the story which left me in a pensive mood since.
This Abu Dhabi story, exposed something in me which I always knew was there but only now has it started to affect my life in a serious way. I’ve always been a dreamer and up until a couple of years ago, I’d been a silent one. I dreamt my dreams and it went no further than that. Over the last couple of years I’ve started acting upon my dreams.
But what worries me about being a dreamer? I’ve noticed that my judgement is sometimes clouded due to this dreamer quality. I read things with my dreamer-tinted spectacles at times when the reality-tinted ones are more appropriate.
I created a little world of expectations (dreamer world as it were) which lives alongside reality. In this world things are as I see them with my dreamer eyes. If anyone has watched the movie 500 days of Summer they will know what I mean by this. A lot of the times these two worlds merge and dreamer world becomes reality. However most often than not, they remain two distinct worlds. I never really minded this duality in my life until recently. The Abu Dhabi story is a case where these two worlds were and remained separate however in my eagerness to see the worlds merge, I discarded my reality specs and wore only the dreamer ones.
This blindness or stubbornness to not accept the reality has now put me and other people in an awkward and rather unnecessary position. The soul searching I’ve had to do since returning from Abu Dhabi has left me with little quandary. Do I Dream On? Or do I allow Dreams Remain Dreams? To allow myself to live life and get burnt and hurt in between the good experiences or do I protect myself and in the process other people from getting hurt?
Despite my dreamer-specs clouding my judgement, I don’t regret the actions I took. I might be have been hurt, but I lived. I experienced something. I have another chapter in my life story.
However the guilt of putting someone in an awkward and difficult position leads me the that there’s a selfish tinge to my approach in life.
Either way I lose. Either way I win.